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Single Dads' Journal
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Date:2009-04-22 15:57
Subject:...the sun is still there; it’s just hiding behind the clouds.

I love the truth that kids can bring into our lives.

Only as I began to realize my conclusion, however, did things slowly start to work themselves out. I was no longer the only one holding the truth up to the light, and all her hard cover-up work was being washed away by our reign of curiosity and frustration. As my father finally allowed himself to branch out, furthering his own horizons, his eyes opened to the world again, the warmth realization that the sun is still there; it’s just hiding behind the clouds.
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As always, there's more in my private posting to friends. The entire view from the point of reference from my teen daughter about my divorce and subsequent life, loss and resurrection/rebirth again.

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Date:2006-09-24 22:49

So...a sort of poll...

Last week was the third anniversary of my divorce finalizing. I took the kids out to celebrate (but didn't tell tehm why...just "becausse.") THey ahve seen their mother twice since we divorced three years ago. Once for a family reunion for her family, once for tehir older sister's wedding a few weeks ago.

It's hard not to tell them why I am so happy she is out of our lives, because as bad as she is (drugs, bi polar, DUIs...) she is tehr mom and I don't want to speak ill of the departed. They will figure that out for themselves soon enough...

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Date:2006-09-07 11:36

anyone in san diego

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Date:2005-11-04 09:27

Buy that boy a set of bagpipes!!!

So last night Ogie had an early baseball game...a GREAT game. He had two out-of-the-park home runs. He crushed the ball...three runs on the first shot and a solo shot his second at bat.

So we here hanging out after the game and I took picutres of him stnading outside the ballfield holding up the balls he hit out (so show my parents and siblings how far they were) and teh coach of the other team comes up and tells him good job and asks if he told me his rap.

He starts rapping...

Aidan's my name
Baseball's my game
Who knows, maybe some day
I'll be in the Hall of Fame

I *LOVE* the confidence. The swagger. The impish little smile with lines three and four. But for God's sake, he's a lilly white Irish boy! Can we get the kid a set of bagpipes, or a tin whistle? Irish guys rapping is *SO* House of Pain.

Wait...I have that CD...he sings along to "jump around" when he can make out what they say....never mind....

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Date:2005-10-28 10:54
Subject:Damn...I am proud...

So yesterday after work I get a call on my cell phone from the mother of one of Ogie’s friends’ moms. I like her a lot, and we have a lot in common. (He met his friend through Cub Scouts, and is still in the same scout den. His friend has Asperger’s Syndrome, a very mild form of Autism. He is a great kid---very nice, well mannered, sweet---but sometimes he doesn’t know when people don’t want to play with him and he keeps pushing.) She told me yesterday after school Ogie’s friend was playng and Ogie thought he was breaking the rules and told him that he could not use more than one scooter. This boy disagreed, and they had a spat about it. They ended up calling each other names (dog poo, poopy head) and got a teacher. Other kids started making fun of Ogie’s friend…and Ogie joined in, picking on him.

Needless to say, I was crushed and disappointed. But I have seen this coming…O doesn’t want to play with his friend as much. I know why, but he has never told me. He is becoming aware that others see his friend as being different, and is succumbing to the sublte peer pressure of expectations. This is isolating his friend even more. Ogie is a great kid. He loves everyone, and plays with everyone. He has friends he plays with more than other kids, but he doesn’t discriminate---white, black, Hispanic, Indian, handicapped…he just wants to play. I am proud that he is totally “color blind”…so this little incident really bothered me.

I asked him what happened at school, and he said “nothing.”

Read an interesting conversation with an eight year old…Collapse )

Fast forward a few hours. We are driving home. I “accidentally” missed the turn to our subdivision and turn into the next one, where Anthony lives. Ogie wants to tell him he is sorry tomorrow on the bus. Okay. That’s fine. We drive…and we end up in ront of his house. He wonders why we stop. I tell him that he should tell Anthony now. He says no…He’ll tell him tomorrow. I turn off the car and get my seat belt off. He gets really unhappy. I get out and get the voodoo princess out.. He gets out. I walk him to the door and tell him to knock (not use the doorbell) so he doesn’t wake up Anthony’s little brother.

Anthony’s mom comes to the door. He is not happy. He does *NOT* want to be there. She says hi. He says hi. I tell her (from the shadows, I am standing behind him “He has something to say. Is Anthony available?”

T: (Anthony’s mom) “Yes, come inside.“
O: Hey Anthony.
A: Hey.
O: Sorry.
A: It’s okay.
V: Ogie….do you have something to say to Anthony?
O: (looking around….looking at the floor, the ceiling, finally looking Anthony in the eye): Anthony, I am sorry I called you names, and I made fun of you. And I’m sorry we got in a fight.
A: It’s okay.
O: No, it’s not. I was not a good friend. I should have stood up for you. I should have been telling people that you are my friend and that it’s not nice to pick on people, especially not my friends. And I didn’t do that. I’m sorry, Anthony.

Then Ogie gave him a man hug.

Damn, I was proud of him.

As we were driving home I asked him how he felt.

O: “Better, dad.”
V: Better than you would have felt if you just said “sorry” on the bus?
O: Yeah, a lot better.

Fast forward to bedtime. I am tucking him in. I ask him the usual questions...

V: "What was the best thing you did today?"
O: Told Anthony I was sorry
V: What was the worst thing you did today?
O: Got in a fight with my freind
V: What was the hardest thing you did?
O: I told him I was sorry...but I really meant it.
V: Do you think you would have meant it if you said "sorry" on the bus?
O: No...I would have just been saying it.

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Date:2005-10-24 16:57
Subject:Disturbing trend

...My daughter has, of late, been crying out for her mother. Like "I want my mommmmmmmy" when she is tired and cranky and upset. Now, yes, this does hurt my feelings on a very superficial level---I may be underestimating her, but I don't think she has any substantive memories of her adoptive mother---but I wonder what stress in her life or what realizations in her live are causing her to act out and ask for her mom? She hasn't seen her mom in over a year, and the last time she spoke to her mother on the phone, the thought of speaking to her mother made her physically ill...I guess I want to help her. Every time she does ask for her mom, i tell ehr that he mom is not here and that daddy loves her and will take care of her and give her everythingshe needs...

(aside....once she burst into tears and said "Daddy, I need candy in my mouth!" Smart girl, that one.)

So...is this just a phase?

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Date:2005-10-04 12:08

My son hit a home run out of the park in his litle league game on Saturday. I am not sure who was more excited, him or me!

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Date:2005-09-21 14:04

Singe dad of two FABULOUS kids, an 8 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. My daughter is adopted (she was born in Haiti) and my ex moved out three years ago yesterday. I have been going through everything alone and am no expert (TRUST ME!) but have some experience at being "daddy"...

I look forward to keeping up with you guys. Take care and post often.

Anybody had any experience with the system/classes caled Parenting with Love and Logic?

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Date:2005-09-21 10:13
Mood: curious

Ok, well since I am new here and am 1. too lazy and 2. to busy to go through lookign for others whio are single parents in my area. I have decided to cross post this to singledads, singleparents, and divorcerecovery in search of local people to communicate with as well as from around the nation. So if you are from the Kansas City area and don't mind doing so then please reply to this post or add me to your friends list.

By the way in case you are wondering I am a 29 year old single father of 4 boys that range in age from 4 to 9 yrs. I am very private (privacy issues violated by rl friends) so if your concerend of privacy or what not don't worry I am there with you.

Well here is to hoping that this will lead to new friends, online buddies whatever and as always I will continue to check in to the sites on a routine basis as well.

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Date:2005-09-20 08:53
Mood: awake

Well, I am somewhat new to LJ and having found this little community and reading a few I thought I might join and say hi.

To keep my story short I am 29 and a single father of 4 boys who range from 4 to 9. The divorce just finalized this last month but she has been gone for over a year now. The boys and I live in the Kansas City area and she lives in upstate NY so visitation is minimal. Most of the time it is simply a phone call a week, although she did get them over summer vacation this year.

Hoping to make new friends or just have some friends to blow off steam with occasionally. So if your intrested feel free to add me or contact me and what not.
Looking forward to it.

P.S. I can be a little bitter adn occasionally goofy or crazy in my thinking, between the four kids, loosing a nine year relationship so she could go play house with someone else and workign the graveyard shift I think my mind took an extended vacation somewhere.

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Date:2005-09-18 21:57
Subject:She's crossed the line
Mood: enraged

She hardly called me this weekend. That's always a sign of her twisted, evil mind being up to something. So tonight, she calls. I ask, so I get Anthony Tuesday, right? She says, "no.. only every other weekend now."

I said, "why?!"

her response, "I can't deal with it during the week."

I pick him up from day care. I drop him off the next day at day care. She doesn't even have to see me.

I don't understand. I'm not mean. I don't say hateful things to her on the phone. I wanted this divorce to go smoothly. Why won't she let it go smoothly? Why is she forcing me into a corner?

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Date:2005-09-15 16:59
Subject:the games she plays...
Mood: frustrated

Hey guys. I notice this place has been silent for awhile. Well, my wife and I are separated. This week, I'm spending the most time away from my son who is 22 months - 5 straight days. I haven't been away from him that long - ever. Even when he was born, he had to stay in the hospital, and I would sleep on a chair.

Anyways. My wife decided to move in with her boyfriend, whom I found out about a month ago. I guess she decided he would provide for her better. At this point, he can have her, and all she's worth. However, what kills me to the core is being away from my son. Florida law is different from other states. Judges don't really look at how "bad" the other spouse was when considering custody. They look at the well being of the child. Honestly, I can't afford where I'm living with just my paycheck, so I'm moving. She's basically living rent free.

All this wouldn't bother me as bad, if... if she would let me see him when we had agreed. I'm waiting on the papers to be filed. Should be any day now. I just want this chaos to stop. I want her to be held accountable to someone when she decides to not let me see my son. I'm recording everything. I have dates, times, and the facts that happened on that event. She cancels. She cancels my time with my son, all the time.

When I have my son, I always answer my phone when she calls. I always let her talk to him. When I pick him up from daycare, I call her so she can talk to him. If I put him to bed and she hasn't called, yet, I call her so she can wish him goodnight.

I don't get the same courtousy. She'll put my calls into voice mail. She won't call if she puts him to bed early, so when I call sometimes at night, he's already in bed. She doesn't call me when she picks him up, or drops him off.

I can understand why she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm hurt. I'm pissed. I'm confused. But I don't talk about that stuff anymore. Sure, the first two weeks I would. But now? No. I really don't like talking to her. I just want to know how his day went, what he ate, if he learned any new words, what he's wearing. I'm the one that used to dress him in the morning. We used to sit on the couch and watch the Disney Channel. I'd put on his clothes, and then he'd sit in my lap while I put his shoes on. When I was done, he'd just sit there on my lap and finish watching the show till his mom was ready to go to work. After they left, I would get ready myself.

I miss that. I miss him.

I just can't understand why she plays the game she does.

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Date:2004-10-26 15:41
Subject:Been a while since last post.
Mood: mellow

How are all of you fellow single fathers doing? I'm getting by ok. Melissa is growing up so damn fast. She's been coming out with some funny things lately, not the least of which is her career choice. Now remember, she'll be 4 in March.

Melissa: Daddie I wanna be a Police.
Me: You want to be a Policeman?
Melissa: No daddie! a Police OFFICER. I'm a girl silly daddie.
Me: Uhhh oh hahahaha yep Police officer. Do you want to see a police officer and ask what they do?
Melissa: I know what a Police officer does daddie.... the get the bad people.
Me: Well yes. They do.
Melissa: And the help the good people.
Me: Yes.
Melissa: And they eat donoughts! Can we go to Tim Hortons Daddie? (Tim's is a Canadian National Coffe Chain, for all you Americans)

Here is a picture of her from the other night while she slept.

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Her mother is non existant in her life now for almost a year and a half. Mary moved to the East Coast and besides a few phone calls, mostly by me, she has no contact. Melissa has mentioned to people that she doesn't have a mother anymore.... something I correct, but this kiddo knows the score. Mary has defaulted on summer visitation, and likely will on Christmas as well. She's two busy with her two spawns from the guy she ran off with. All the power to her. I love my daughter and she knows it. We go on hikes, park BBq's, Read stories, camping, ride bikes, and all sorts of fun things all the time when I am not working. She's informed me she would like to golf next year :-) Her bithday will see jr. golf clubs amongst other things! The other great interest Melissa has developed is reading. at exactly 3 1/2 years old she has read a story to her whole daycare class, and is actually working on book #3 with me at nights now. She shows good promise with computers to, having mastered both her Crayola program, and now working through her "airplane" program. She can almost take off without help hehehehe.

Anyway, it'd be nice to hear updates from folks. It's been a bit since we've conversed.

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Date:2004-05-05 11:51

Recently, the Ex has been calling me quiet up-in-arms about a mistake in the court papers. Seems our attorney's filed a Child Support order with the start date specified a year early. As in, May 2002, instead of May 2003.

Problematically, this is all taken care of through Support Enforcement, so they're trying to squeeze her for child support she doesn't really owe. I can't seem to get my lawyer to take care of it, either; seems I owe him $4000 and haven't been able to keep up on what I owe him.

Catch-22: If they extract the money from her, I can afford to pay my attorney, to make the back support payments stop. :|

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Date:2004-04-29 00:01
Mood: amused

Hello, my name is Whitney and I am not a parent. I cannot bear children.

Nevertheless, I think this community is fabulous. What a wonderful way to show that there are such terrific people as single fathers!

Single fathers are an often overlooked group. Stay strong men.

Add me to your friends listing please:)

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Date:2004-04-28 11:53
Subject:Anybody out there?
Mood: amused

Not much gets posted here lately, so here is something to boost everyone hehehehe


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Date:2003-09-30 23:35
Mood: pissed off

Jesus fucking christ. How does shit like this happen? I can't imagine the myriad failures adding up to this baby girl being left home alone for nearly three weeks. The cops should be severely chastized; the neighbors should be fucking ashamed of themselves, the mother should be shot. Dad needs a lesson or two in when to panic and when not to panic. Haven't heard from your kid's mom in two+ weeks, panic.

Everybody within earshot of this crying baby, everybody who knew there was a baby there, every relative, every neighbor, every cop, a hearty thump to the back of the head and a stern "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" to each of you.

(Cross posted from my personal journal.)

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Date:2003-09-19 10:08
Subject:Out of the mouth of babes........
Mood: melancholy

Last night Melissa climbed up on the couch beside me and lay her head on me. Looking up she smiled and said "Hiiiiiii Dad" (*sigh* "dad"... I cannot get used to just being "dad") She looked up with a smile and thae following insued....
You love Missa, me, daddie?
Yes Melissa! Of course I do
*pat on the bum*
I love youuuuuuuu daddie. You love Tina daddiee? (Tina meaning my friend Christina)
Yes boo daddie loves Tina.
I love Tina daddieeeeee! Daddie? You love nanny and gramampy?
I love nanny and gramampy too daddie. Daddie?
You love mommy daddie?
(insert look of helplessness here and heartbreak)
Melissa..... Daddy and Mommy are friends, but Daddy doesn't love Mommy..... But we BOTH love you Booboo.
*odd look from little eyes*
Daddie. I love mommy. Mommy gone with grampy Wobbert Daddie.

I couldn't help the sick feeling in my stomach, Just the worst gutwrenching in a long long time. Melissa continued to lay on my leg and watch whaever cartoon we had on eventually falling asleep while I tried to not breakdown at the horrible knowledge I had just imparted to her. Mommy and Daddy don't love each other. She could have asked me anything..... anything but that.... the first in the line of questions sure to be asked in years to come.

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Date:2003-09-16 01:08
Subject:Cross posted from my journal.....I live a few miles from where this happened.

Murder Suicide in Custody Fight

This is a serious upward trend...another father shot and killed his young son who was running a race (I can't remember where) last week, then turned the gun on himself. Why? Because his wife was interfering with his visitation simply because he lost his job and could not maintain the child support payments.

Something HAS to be done about unemployment and parental rights in this country....Bush HAS to bring his focus back home. Let the rest of the world take care of itself.

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Date:2003-08-05 09:14

Well, all thoughts of latchkeying any of my kids is now firmly out the window.

During groundpilot's kids time with their mom, they're latchkey kids, and home alone a lot during the summer. Not a problem during their time with him, since he works from home.

Well, it's mom's turn and his oldest just fell out of a tree, broke her arm, knocked out several teeth, may have a head injury.

Crystal, honey, I'm thinking about you.

Crossposted from my journal.

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my journal